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Why Does My Boyfriend Need To Watch Porn?

I have been living with my boyfriend for the past three years. I always knew he liked to watch a porn movie now and again however, lately he seems to be watching a lot.

He thinks he is being clever hiding it from me, but I do find out as there is not much he can keep from me.

When I confronted him about this, he twisted it around that I don't give him any privacy and then refuses to talk about it.

It's not the fact that he is watching porn that upsets me but that he is doing it so sneakily. We have a very healthy sex life so I do not understand why he is behaving like this.

He also likes chat rooms which I put a stop to although he said they only made him laugh. I have told him I would hate to finish the relationship due to this but that if he continues I am going to have to. He is 25 and I am 28 which is not an issue as he is quite mature,(most of the time) but maybe the age has got something to do with it. I really dont know how to deal with this please advise.

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Why Does My Boyfriend Blow Hot And Cold All The Time?

I can well understand why you feel used; it's because you are. Your boyfriend is only able to be affectionate or loving when he wants sex and this is no basis on which to build a loving relationship.

Unfortunately, this is a complaint I've often heard in therapy - that men give love in order to have sex, whereas women tend to give sex to get love. Your 'three days on, three days off' cycle doesn't allow for spontaneity, experimentation or fun. In fact your love life sounds like a chore rather than a method of expressing love for one another.

One explanation for his behaviour could be that he finds giving affection embarrassing. This may stem from his upbringing or a previous problematic relationship. Instead, he pours all his feelings into sex, but denies you affection or warmth at other times. This may suit him, as he doesn't have to confront his problems, but any partner will feel short changed by this behaviour.

I'm also worried that two weeks without sex brought your relationship to 'breaking point'. What would you do if you decided to have a child together and sex was off the menu for a while? Or one of you was unwell and unable to have sex?

It seems clear to me that you need to address the whole basis of your relationship. Sexual difficulties can often act as a barometer of other, deeper, problems. These need addressing if you are to create the relationship you want. Try reading 'Sex in Loving Relationships' by Sarah Litvinoff (Vermilion £9.99) for more help, or find a therapist near to you at www.Basrt.Org.Uk

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Why Does My Boyfriend Look At Other Girls? - Here Is Why!

Have you ever noticed your boyfriend checking out other girls when he is with you? If so, how did you feel? Did it make you feel jealous, a little insecure, or maybe a lot angry?

If it did, I wouldn't blame you. But this isn't really something special. All guys- and I mean ALL- look at other women sometimes. They can't help it. Their eyes are pulled towards beautiful women even when you're around.

"Why does my boyfriend look at other girls?" I'm sure you've asked yourself this question countless times. Perhaps it is because he finds her attractive. It could also be because of physical attraction or a certain chemical reaction. Or perhaps it's a bad habit he inherited from earlier when he was single.

But don't worry, it doesn't automatically mean that he no longer likes you!

Related: Why do guys stare at girls

Here are the top reasons why your boyfriend looks at other girls:

Why Does My Boyfriend Look at Other Girls

One of the many reasons why he's looking is because he's attracted. This kind of sexual attraction is mostly involuntary to men. This means that just because he's attracted doesn't necessarily mean that he's emotionally attached to that other girl.

The truth is, they get turned on by strange and random women on a strictly physical level. There is no emotional connection or compatibility involved in this attraction. Men can be completely devoted to one woman and still get attracted on a physical level to other random girls. They just can't help it.

It's A Chemical Reaction

Whenever men see a beautiful or attractive woman, their brains release the neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin, which give them an involuntary surge of pleasure. These hormones promote a happy mood and positive feelings. This just goes to show that his reaction is completely out of his control. In this case, I'm sure your boyfriend stares at you just as much.

He's Interested In Her In A Purely Academic Way

If he looks at this random girl who passed by your table on her way out, it means that he is interested in her, but only in a purely academic sense. He doesn't feel any urgency to date this other woman. While it's true that a part of him wants her or wonders what it would be like to be with her (in a physical way), the way he's thinking about it is innocent and harmless.

Related: Why do I keep having dreams about my boyfriend cheating on me

You're probably thinking that I sound completely contradictory. The truth is that he is interested. In an alternate reality where you guys don't hook up, and he remains single and unattached, he would definitely consider her as a sexual partner. It's essentially the same way you feel about Channing Tatum and Chris Hemsworth.

What The Look Doesn't Mean

Now that we have clarified why your boyfriend looks at other girls and what it means, let us also talk about what his look at other girls doesn't mean.

You're probably already thinking ahead about the following negative thoughts:

That he thinks she's more beautiful than you are.

That he isn't attracted to you anymore.

That he is very unhappy with you and your relationship.

That he isn't satisfied in your relationship.

That you aren't attractive or sexy enough for him.

That he is going to cheat on you.

Or that your relationship is doomed.

If we take out our natural inclination for drama and set aside our insecurities and paranoia, we should be able to see very clearly that his look doesn't mean all these things.

Sure, he looked. He has eyes for that. He was admiring her beauty, the same way you admire a painting or a sculpture. It doesn't make his love for you any less. In fact, it has nothing to do with you at all.

When It Becomes A Problem When your boyfriend takes long stares at other girls

Not only is it hurtful, embarrassing, and offensive to you, it is also offensive to the girl he's staring at. In fact, if he doesn't take his eyes off of her, she might take offense and cry sexual harassment. Where will that leave you?

Related: Why am I the other woman

When your boyfriend says something inappropriate to the woman

Either directly or indirectly, it can also be considered a problem. Even if he meant it as a compliment, any kind of sexually inappropriate comment or joke could also be construed as harassment. It is not only disrespectful, but it is also offensive.

Related: My boyfriend is rude to me

When your boyfriend touches or flirts with the other girl

This leaves you feeling like an old toy that got thrown away for a newer and shinier version. It is also a problem. This means that he doesn't respect or love you enough to make you feel safe, secure, and loved in your relationship. He's cheating on you to your face. If this isn't a problem, I don't know what is.

Related: Signs that you are the other woman

How Come I Didn't Notice His Wandering Eye Before?

A man's curious eye is actually not an issue if the couple is still in their honeymoon phase. After about a year, once the magic wears off a little, then you'll see this behavior.

However, this doesn't mean that his passion for you is starting to wane and that he wants to find someone else or explore other options. Let's be clear- he hasn't lost interest in you.

In the early phases of a relationship, you literally become "high" on love, or more truthfully, high on the powerful and intoxicating chemical cocktail that our brains have concocted. This natural buzz drives all thoughts of other women from their minds. This reduces or eliminates the tendency for your man's eyes to wander.

Related: Signs that he loves the other woman

Another thing is because at the onset of our relationships, we tend to idealize our partners a lot. This includes letting slide all his behavior that you'd probably not want to let slide otherwise. You even overlook his more annoying habits and traits.

After a couple of years, though, the honeymoon phase comes to an end. Our brain shifts gears, and this affects how we respond to our partners. It also changes how we feel and act when we're together.

Your guy will probably go back to being a hunter once more. His eyes will become drawn again to every attractive woman who crosses his path. You, on the other hand, will notice these things about him in turn, even though you've been blissfully ignorant of it until now.

How To Deal With A Boyfriend That Often Looks At Other Girls Try not to assume anything

Don't put meaning to his actions when there's none to be found. So what if he glanced at another woman? She was beautiful. Even you stared at her perfection. So remember that he loves you and cares for you. After all, out of everyone he could have had, he chose you.

Be realistic

Accept the fact that there are a lot of beautiful women in the world. This fact doesn't make you ugly. You are beautiful in your own way- it's just that you're not the only girl in the world he will find attractive. That's okay. That's realistic.

Communicate your feelings to him

Tell him how you feel. Just make sure you're not blaming him or accusing him of anything. You're only telling him how you feel. If his glances at other women bother you, let him know.

Related: What to do when you are angry at your boyfriend

Set boundaries

If your boyfriend loves you, he will probably agree about the boundaries. Just make sure you keep it healthy instead of toxic. Perhaps you can include in your list how he's not supposed to stare blatantly no matter how good-looking the woman is.

FAQ Why Does My Boyfriend Look At Other Females Online?

It's what guys do. This behavior is completely normal, just as it is for women. All human beings are attracted to beauty. If other females online are attractive and beautiful to him, he's probably going to want to see them.

Is It Normal For Your Boyfriend To Look At Other Women On Instagram?

Yes, this is completely normal behavior. However, what's normal for others may not be normal or acceptable to you. So if it bothers you, you should do something about it. Not something drastic. Perhaps you can try asking your boyfriend about it, or telling him how you feel in a non-threatening way.

My Boyfriend Looks At Other Females In Front Of Me

If he's really just looking, there's nothing wrong with it. Men can't help this kind of behavior. He's not being disrespectful. He's just attracted to the other girl's physical beauty. However, if he starts to blatantly stare or leer, that's a different story.

NICOLE GRAHAM

Relationship Expert

As a relationship expert at Womenio.Com, Nicole is helping women grow into their best selves so they can be confident and bring more love, passion, and purpose to their lives. Nicole enjoys studying the psychology of love and is passionate about writing on them. She offers helpful tips and advice to help overcome any relationship issue, whether you're single or already in a relationship.

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